My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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