One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
