we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
