Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
