Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
