So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
time to smoke my breakfast
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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