I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we're so committed to being not committed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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