I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You ruined the universe
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
