I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
