next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
