I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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