I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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