is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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