We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
