p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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