i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Randomize
