Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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