I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
