she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
