You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
