My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
