I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
