god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
