Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
