hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
