hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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