We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
