You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
