Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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