Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
