I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You made out with two different species that night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
