it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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