She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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