no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
