he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
