So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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