Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
