Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
