i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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