Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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