Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
