these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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