Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
