When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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