Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
