she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
