Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
