FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
