I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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