it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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