not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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