I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
