He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
