Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
