oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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