Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
