He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
