It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
