you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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