how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
