I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
