Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
