I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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