I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
