i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
