i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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