11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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