the condom got lost in my hair
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize