I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
