I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
