Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize