Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
